I suck at blogs

You know what...I suck at blogs.  I want to blame Facebook, and I'm sure that has something to do with it, but yeah, I suck at blogs.  It has been way too long since I put up a new post.  So let me give you the year's run down...life is good, spiritually I've backed down alot and have felt out of sorts, but otherwise ok.  Fiddled with ideas of incorporating Gaelic Polytheism into my practices again, but every dream, feeling, and omen I've had or read says "no, that is not your home", just like last time.  Which kinda blows since I have a pretty good chunk of Gaelic ancestry and I love everything "Celtic".  Oh well, the food and culture will have to be enough.  Summer was fun, Carrie and I's 10th anniversary was awesome and I keep falling more and more in love with her.  I couldn't have asked for a better companion to deal with my moods, spiritual meanderings, and intellectual pursuits.  Winter has been fun too, lots more snow than last year, which I totally dig.  The shrine in the corner of our bedroom has been given back to Freyr and Njord, so with Carrie's Freyja shrine in there it's like our little Vanaheim.  The library shrine, which I was considering as a Gaelic altar has been rededicated to Odhinn and the bottom shelf has a bunch of old family photos for that ancestral connection.  Work has been good aside from the random person who wants something for nothing or has no idea what they are doing when they go in a fabric store, and yet they want to do some huge project.  No new poetry to share, but I have been fiddling with a business idea which is partly good for other Heathens, but otherwise just a general service...pyrography.  Been batting back and forth setting up an Etsy account or just putting out my own domain for a wood-burning business focused on religious imagery and custom work.  We'll see how that comes around, still not sure about pricing and a few other issues(like taxes and what not).    Otherwise, it has been a normal year with normal ups and downs, moments of clarity and moments of mind numbing apathy, with bits of fun thrown in.  Oh, and Netflix...Netflix is great, especially on days off to watch odd documentaries or Doctor Who or catch up on old faves like Buffy and Star Trek.  Well that is all for today.  I'll put down some of my more serious thoughts about my Heathenry as of late on a later date.

A bede for Ing

Fire's garment paves a path true
Flowing out from within
Holy visage

Wayfarer's stead on harbor's shore
Your illumination shows the way
From whale's road to emerald pastures

Shadow's mirth fails its worth
In the dawning sway
... Of Gearde's wooer

Night's might loses the battle
Neorth's seed takes hold
A mighty oak with leaves of gold

Prosperity and a good year
Holy procession on lighted path
The worthing tests to take

A void of wonders strive to make
A stag of elven might
Lord Ing's vibrant maegen

Fire's garment paves a path true
Flowing out from within
Holy visage

 

By: Shawn Rowland

Dreaming the Dead...

I haven't written on this blog since last year, but I've been thinking about a few things lately that I want to write down. Early last year I had a dream about my mother, and in this dream she told me point blank how to find my father. When she was alive she told me his name and his daughter's name but nothing else. I found a few leads since I decided to study my ancestry back in 2004, but nothing concrete.
After my grandfather died in 2007 and I took over on the research he was doing for the Rowland-Horne side, and then my grandmother died the next year, I felt like trying to complete my ancestral picture wouldn't be an offense to them(though I know it wouldn't have anyways, but still). I found a bit, but very very little. Then I had the dream. Then I did what my mom told me to do, and voila! I found my half-sister, and through those records found my father, and grandparents, and great-grandparents. With Ancestry.com I have been able to trace back about half of my father's lineage. So while this is all very cool, the point in my writing this is the dream.
There are alot of people who believe dreams have meaning or that spirits, ancestors, etc. will speak to you through them. My religion sees this as nothing odd at all. While not everyone will have or even need experiences like this, dream omens and ancestral spirits are still "common" both today and in the tales from long ago. This experience for me is like picking up a phone calling a friend, no biggie. It should be like this for everyone else who shares that belief, but it isn't.
The vast majority of them are disconnected from the reality of these experiences and how normal they really are if you can understand them and heed them. I understand, even though it is a part of my religion, growing up in secular middle-class America places me somewhat in the position of "whoa! it happened...it's real...and it's mundane!" and not entirely in the "oh, it's no biggie" category, but it still makes me feel sad. Sad for the people who are in the "this is what I believe, but I don't really think it's real" category. It is a good feeling to know that the departed will help us out as they always did if we ever need them, and I just wished others could have that "good feeling".

Njordhr says "hi"

Over a week ago I had an intense dream(vision more like) in which Carrie and I were staying up by either Lake Eerie or by the East Coast, not sure which. It was raining quite heavily but I felt unnaturally moved to go to the beach. I drove to the beach and got out of the car and walked on the beach. Njordhr arose the waters, mighty and gigantic. He was golden tan, deep blue eyes, wavy light brown hair, and longish but neat and styled beard. He was wearing a white toga-like cloth and some sort of brown beads around his wrists and neck(odd thought, but, meditation beads?). The feeling of might, presence, wisdom, and kindness was overwhelming. He spoke and said that he wanted to help me, but that my offerings should ideally not be of food. He didn't explain, but that was really enough. Since then I've been contemplating possible poetic inspiration, wood-burnings, stallis, and what-not. I have begun this new friendship by putting together a seashell bracelet with gold nautical charms as a reminder of Njordhr and of his extension of help and friendship to me. It will be interesting to see where this goes. I see a trip up to the lake in my future.

I walk this path alone

The dust on my boots

It tells me where to go

When trying to find some

Truth and piece of mind

Searching for a devil's pride

In an angels heart and mind

Still I walk this lonely path

Years of dust built up

Underneath these steps

This pain and sorrow

My smiles try to leave behind

Searching for a devil's pride

In an angel's heart and mind

Searching for a devil's pride

In an angel's heart and mind

Searching! Searching!

For a devil's pride

In an angel's heart and mind

This path it goes around

Under these boots

Flowers have been trampled down

I raise my eyes to the bright sun

My thoughts come to a grind!

Searching for a devil's pride

In an angel's heart and mind

By: Shawn Rowland 8/11/2009

Stag's Proposal(poem)

This is a poem I wrote, in honour of Freyr for a dream I had about 3 or 4 years ago in which he visited me.

Stag's Proposal
by: Shawn Rowland

In chill of night, under starry cloak
Walk I did, many miles deep
Fare forth into, Hugr's forest
Until to a grove I came, by glimmering pond

Reflection shimmered, look I dared to
Lake still and deep, saw into mind's eye
Still much to do, yet of how I knew not
Horns I did have, yet antlers none

On dewy grass, I sat and thought
To the heavens, I sought for answers
In Yew dale deep I heard a rumble
A herd, a family, a tribe of beasts

Ran they by, to glimmering pond
The moon, he smiled in fullness bright
Light dancing on pond like flames
In light bathed, and a deer I became

To my right a great antlered beast arose
Like Sunna did he radiate, did he shine
Like Thorr he shook the earth
Kind was his gaze, deep and tranquil

Spoke to me did he, of many things
Guidance gave me, of many things
To walk in his hoof beats he offered
To gift me antlers, he did propose

Tears came forth, into the pond they did flow
Saw I my reflection, mannish form did I regain
Fared I forth, out of Yew Dales deep
Dawn came soon, slumber's end stalking

Sunna's face did not greet me though
In Hugr's well, in Ond's mirror
A presence so bright, so full did I peer
A beating in chest, of acorn's blossoming

Freyr's face, antlered no more
Freyr's face, rising over mountains of Yews
A smile so grand and a look so deep
Full of grace, shining on my path

Through deep forest of Yews I walked
Towards the Golden Grain God
Still do I walk, toward's rainbow's shimmer
Taking the pledge, gift for a gift

Every moment, you can turn it around
Every moment, Freyr calls out
Every moment, antlers will grow
Every moment, a gift is returned

Until Hel road I walk, and so we shall all
Of knowing not, will I of how my antlers are
Or of the stag I have become, from Freyr's mighty gift
This I know, as should all mannish kin

Of mighty deeds, let we be known
Of kindly words, let we be known
Of wisdom's truth, let we be known
Of love's generosity, let we be known

Until Hel road I walk, as shall we all
Until I come to Yew Dales deep
Until I come to memory's lake
Seeds will grow, and deer will run

Seeds will grow, and deer will run
Worlds all nine, dancing in time
To the beat of Freyr's drum
To the dance of his herd

A crown of antlers he did offer
If I but just reached out and grasped
A crown of antlers he did offer
an Oak to rise from a sapling

In Yew Dales deep, his sunny face shown
His path into the forest glowed
Be one with life, and one with honour
Antlers rise from within

Dance this life, and drink its wine
Do all with right good will
Then come again to this shimmering pond
And see what you may see

Deeds done right, and good will also
Gladdens the Ond when body fails
Life's fetters are loosed and to the ancestors we go
To Halls where we know no shame

This is the path of the Stag God
Of the Green Man and Golden Grains
Vanir's prince and Alfar's king
Let we be dressed, in our best, at His Thing.

How we see the divine...

Humanity's creativity is truly a thing of beauty. It is this creativity more than anything else that reflects the spirit of Odhinn within us. My belief is that the Gods helped bring us into being as partners, as co-creators, of the world we live in. Physically, morally, psychically, intellectually, etc., we are here to create. Odhinn, Vili, and Ve shaped us and gave us purpose, meaning, will, and likewise we do the same within our own lives and on our world. Not only that though, but we also do this to the Gods and I think that might be a part of the whole point.

In my opinion, Gods are quite frankly beyond our wild imaginings. Trying to pin down a God is like pinning down love, or honour, or nailing jello to a tree. What we discover about Them when we try this though illumines not only our own understanding of them, but also Their understanding of us and how best to be what we think They are. In my tradition dreams and visions play a big part in man to God relations. This makes perfect sense since my traditions highest ideals laregly revolve around creativity, poetry, the mind, memory, intellect, etc. All of which play large parts in dreams and the dreaming process.

Odhinn, the giver of our soul, or Ond, is a cerebral, strategic, wisdom seeking wizard God(amongst a million other things). The God from whom our souls draw life and essence from is essentially a pure strain of divine creativity and wisdom. Think about that and what that says about how we view ourselves for a moment. We are flawed certainly, we have limits, moods, make bad decisions, etc. None of that though compares to the deep capability we have of imagination, creation, a thirst for knowledge, etc. In this, I see Odhinn, I see the All-Father.

How do you see the divine? In what ways does the divine speak to you? When I see a Yule-Father doll around the holidays I can't help but think about Odhinn under his by-name of Oski(wish-giver). When I see a Green Man I automatically see Freyr and feel his lusty vitality surge in my veins. When I look at a picture of Frigga and contemplate her as being the Earth's spirit, and the All-Mother, Queen of this world, protectoress of children and many other roles I often wonder if a Hindu looks at Durga the same way and what may or may not be different. What cultural cues are they tapping into that I don't and vice versa? When they see Vishnu, do they feel the same awe and spark of creation as I do when I see Odhinn?

Such beautiful plurality, and in this I see a complex web of spiritual fabric that makes up the whole of this world. In this, I think I see the whole point...order from chaos...the attempt to understand that which we really cannot. Some would say it is a cruel joke, and I can't really disagree. However, it isn't that the punchline is bad, it's just that we aren't telling it right. The whole point is to reflect the divine onto the world. This is the mystery of Odhinn being part and parcel of us...we were created within a creation to become creators. We reflect His purpose and share in that vision to make, to create, to imagine.

So, I shall ask again...how do you see the divine? Does your vision uplift you or give you purpose? Do you feel a connection to the divine when you see that vision? What does it say about you and about that part of the divine you worship? How will you reflect?