About Me

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I am a seeker of meaning, truth, and the Divine. I have been a practicing polytheist since 1997 and a lover of philosophy and theology since even before then. Most of this time I have been a Germanic Heathen, but I have also slowly taken to the practice of Gaelic Reconstructionist Polytheism. I am happily married, a hobbyist musician, a poet, pyrographer, sports fan, and pretty darn good cook. This blog will contain poems, rants, and musings relevant to my ever winding spiritual journey.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

A Freyja article written by Carrie a few years ago

My Goddess Freyja:
How I Met and Married My Twin Flame
By: Carrie Rowland

For years, I called to a goddess and then when I least expected it, Freyja found me. Long ago, in my college years, before I found Asatru, I was Wiccan. I called to the goddess, but despite pressure from friends, I never called to a specific goddess. I always said that I wanted a goddess to find me. Looking back, I don’t think I really expected it to happen.

Then one night after getting home late one cloudy night of a full moon, I started talking to my goddess. I’d had a bad night at work and was arguing with a friend. I started by saying I would just feel better if I could see the full moon and take in some of its energy. Then like giant hands in the sky, the clouds were parted and the moon was visible and clear. I stayed outside enjoying the night and talking to my goddess. I asked for three things. First, I asked to resolve my differences with my friend. Secondly, I asked to be told I was beautiful. Third, I asked to taste real love. Then I stopped. I started to doubt I was talking to anyone, started doubting anything had happened at all. The last thing I said on the patio that day was, “Not like anyone was listening anyway.” So I got aggravated and left to go inside, but as I was unlocking the door, I felt something in my shoe. I cursed the feeling in my shoe, believing it to be a rock. But when I sat down in the lobby to get the rock out of my shoe, it was no rock at all. It was a large blue marble and it was wedged inside a hole in my shoe. To me, that was a sign that someone was listening, but it was only the first. As soon as I got upstairs to my dorm room, the phone rang. It was my friend calling to apologize. The next day, a guy stopped me on the sidewalk just to tell me I was beautiful. And a month later, I did taste love. My wishes had all been granted, and in the order they were asked. This taught me that someone had been listening, and I believed with all my heart that it was my goddess.

Years later when I’d nearly forgotten this story, and my Wiccan ties were breaking, my world began to crash around me. It was then that my goddess found me again. This time, it was in a dream. Wistfully, I’d walk into a clearing and look up to a huge tree in the north. I looked up and in a branch about halfway up the tree, I saw a beautiful lady in a long flowing dress. That first night, I was crying and she told me in the softest of voices that I couldn’t begin to explain, “Dry your tears, my child.” And she never told me who she was, but in the months to follow, she became my goddess, my sister, my mother, and my best friend. For almost a year following that first visit, I had meetings with my goddess at least two or three times a week. We talked about everything and I was given advice on daily life. Eventually, my goddess talked me through a tough and complete restructuring of my social life, breaking off a bad engagement, and toward the next phase of my life – the adult phase. But I swore with this change that if I found out who she was I would honor her.

After this change, my goddess continued to visit, but more strange dreams came as well. I began to dream of what I would refer to as my twin flame. But still, despite my attempts to find a name, I still had no name for my goddess. Then finally an odd conversation on the Internet gave me a name for the first time. I spoke with a stranger who told me that the goddess was Freyja. She told me Freyja had someone waiting for me and that someone was my twin flame. This stranger had no idea that there was a connection because I knew that my ex was associated with the northern deities. When I denied that I should get back together with my ex, the stranger online told me that Freyja told me to get my head out of my ass. For most, this would seem harsh, but Freyja and I shared a secret that even the stranger online knew nothing of. When I was with my ex previously, at least he had known that I was his twin flame. In another online conversation years ago, he had been told that he would meet his twin flame. It would happen three months from the time of the conversation and we met the third month. She gave him many signs but most strongly, she said he would know her by her fiery eyes…my eyes are gold…and in Northern Europe, gold is often called fire and is a color associated with Freyja.

Over the summer the dreams slowed immensely. But I began to understand that the stranger online was right. I studied Freyja and I studied everything I could find about the northern mythologies. But also, I started talking to that ex again. By summers end, I was learning about Asatru, and was dating my twin flame. I also found out that at the same time the stranger online told me that Freyja had someone waiting for me, Freyja had hinted that she did not want him with the woman he was currently engaged to. He also told me that over that summer he had done a runic candle spell and told Freyja and Frigga that he was “sick of the shit and wanted to be with whoever he was supposed to be with.”

Now as I celebrate six years gone by since the change in my life, I declared my oaths to Freyja and married my twin flame (I love you, hubby!). I still receive visions and some special conversations from Freyja, especially during blot or meditations. I keep my oath with a separate shrine to Freyja in our bedroom.

As I write, this work seems incomplete. I realize though that this may become a life-long work. Freyja will always be a part of my life, and this work will continue to grow and to honour my goddess. Hail Freyja!

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